Hello? Is There Anybody Out There?
It seems like everyone and their Uncle Sam are "working the phones." Or, in the case of Condi Rice, working the Sunday morning shows (CBS and ABC; Tim Russert, official NBC administration suck-up, got the "esteemed" Colin Powell himself). I imagine Bush's "personal touch" working like this:
W: Vicente, mi amigo! You got my back, right?
FOX: Actually, I'm undecided. I'm really unsure of whether this war is justified at this point. I
W: (interrupts) Listen here you jumped up wetback, you WILL back my butt at the UN or 3 million illegal Mexicans are getting the boot. We've got Bulgaria on board, and I'm sure with their Third World economy, they'd be happy to send over people to clean our houses.
FOX: I don't appreciate being threatened. It didn't work so well with Turkey, did it?
W: You signed NAFTA, which means we're free to insert our boots into your ass. Maybe we'll up the "War on Drugs" to a "War on Terror" level and carpet bomb you like Cortez on steroids.
FOX: Maybe I'll change my mind...
W: Thought you might. here's 10 Million.
And Fox is an ally and neighbor! Here's a phone conversation with Ismael Gaspar Martins, Angola's UN Ambassador:
W: "Call me Ismael". Ha! Mind if I call you Ismael?
MARTINS: Yes.
W: (humph) Nice sense of humor you got there. So where the hell is Angina, anyways?
MARTINS: AnGOLa is a large nation - nearly twice the size of Texas - on the Western coast of Africa, bordering Namibia and the -
W: (interrupts) Sorry if I seemed to care there. Look, you're with me, right? RIGHT?
MARTINS: While, I'm unsure. The wars in my country have killed almost 1.5 million people in the last 25 years. We're trying to salvage something -
W: (interrupts again) Did you say Texas back there? I almost missed it. What would you like to know about Texas?
MARTINS: Nothing, sir. As I was saying, we're trying to rebuild our country -
W: (interrupts) Nothing!? That's what you're going to get you stinking bushman! I'll rip that robe off you and give you a good whippin' unless you do as I say now! Uppity little -
MARTINS: (interrupts) Monsieur de Villepin is here. Goodbye.
If it wasn't for our economic power, I'm sure we'd get 100% stonewalled. But blackmail is par for the course here. Just don't try to blackmail the US. North Korea - are you listening? Turkey - sure you won't change your mind?
W: Vicente, mi amigo! You got my back, right?
FOX: Actually, I'm undecided. I'm really unsure of whether this war is justified at this point. I
W: (interrupts) Listen here you jumped up wetback, you WILL back my butt at the UN or 3 million illegal Mexicans are getting the boot. We've got Bulgaria on board, and I'm sure with their Third World economy, they'd be happy to send over people to clean our houses.
FOX: I don't appreciate being threatened. It didn't work so well with Turkey, did it?
W: You signed NAFTA, which means we're free to insert our boots into your ass. Maybe we'll up the "War on Drugs" to a "War on Terror" level and carpet bomb you like Cortez on steroids.
FOX: Maybe I'll change my mind...
W: Thought you might. here's 10 Million.
And Fox is an ally and neighbor! Here's a phone conversation with Ismael Gaspar Martins, Angola's UN Ambassador:
W: "Call me Ismael". Ha! Mind if I call you Ismael?
MARTINS: Yes.
W: (humph) Nice sense of humor you got there. So where the hell is Angina, anyways?
MARTINS: AnGOLa is a large nation - nearly twice the size of Texas - on the Western coast of Africa, bordering Namibia and the -
W: (interrupts) Sorry if I seemed to care there. Look, you're with me, right? RIGHT?
MARTINS: While, I'm unsure. The wars in my country have killed almost 1.5 million people in the last 25 years. We're trying to salvage something -
W: (interrupts again) Did you say Texas back there? I almost missed it. What would you like to know about Texas?
MARTINS: Nothing, sir. As I was saying, we're trying to rebuild our country -
W: (interrupts) Nothing!? That's what you're going to get you stinking bushman! I'll rip that robe off you and give you a good whippin' unless you do as I say now! Uppity little -
MARTINS: (interrupts) Monsieur de Villepin is here. Goodbye.
If it wasn't for our economic power, I'm sure we'd get 100% stonewalled. But blackmail is par for the course here. Just don't try to blackmail the US. North Korea - are you listening? Turkey - sure you won't change your mind?
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