This Year's Model

Ah, the Philippines. That bastion of freedom and democracy, a place where each and every child has the opportunity to succeed, where elections are fair and honest, the true heart of the industrialized world. You think I jest, mock, and lie? How could I say such outrageous things, when history shows hundreds of years of colonial oppression, a recent coup attempt, an active terrorist organization (Abu Sayyaf), and don't forget, Imelda Marcos and her shoes? I tell you, it must be the truth, because I read that the Resident said that the Philippines is a model for rebuilding Iraq.

Has your jaw shut yet? The Philippines is a model for rebuilding Iraq. With this model, we know we shall succeed. After a 48-year occupation, we will leave a broken and desperate people to their own devices, requesting only that they forever remain a puppet state, pliable and compliant to our wishes and whims. Who shall be the Iraqi Marcos, retiring after 20 years of tyranny to a Hawaiian estate? I'm sure Chalabi would volunteer, but I'm afraid he won't be around when we decide to let go. It will be great to visit in 105 years (the Philippines has been "free" since we "liberated" them in the Spanish-American war in 1898), when it still won't be safe for the President to stay:

[I]n a taste of the anger that Mr. Bush has generated around the world, several thousand protesters filled the streets near the Philippine Congress and forced an hourlong delay in the arrival of the president's motorcade while the Secret Service assessed whether it was safe to move him through the streets. In addition to the protesters, tens of thousands of others simply clogged the streets of this humid capital, including schoolchildren waving flags and eager to catch a glimpse of Mr. Bush's motorcade.

The extraordinary security around Mr. Bush's visit here underscored Washington's continuing concerns about the stability of the Philippines. Mr. Bush flew in with American F-15's off the wings of Air Force One. The Secret Service would not permit Mr. Bush to stay overnight.

I so look forward to an Iraq that resembles the Philippines. It will be a proud day for the Iraqi people when they taste the freedom that Filipinos have for generations been forced to lick off the bottom of an American boot. A proud, proud day.